Characters TERRA Hiring manager, confident, cool, niece of CEO (nepo baby). Female, 25. BRICK Candidate for job, nervous but determind, well-meaning, Male, 27-30.
Setting A generic conference room in Canary Headquarters. There are no windows or mirrors, simply a table and two chairs, much like an interrogation room.
(BRICK nervously waits at the table. He clears his throat, straightens his suit, reads over his résumé—printed on both sides of his paper—clasps and unclasps his hands. He might pace because it’s not like anyone’s watching him. Maybe he does a few jumping jacks. Maybe he sings. He wants this job. He’s pumped. He’s been out of work for three months and this is his fifth job interview.)
(TERRA enters. She’s wearing creative corporate casual, has a smile on her face, and exudes confidence. She carries a clipboard and a cup of coffee. BRICK quickly takes his seat, then awkwardly stands back up to shake TERRA’s hand and wait until she sits.)
TERRA I’m late!
BRICK No problem!
TERRA I’m not usually. Here let me just put this.
(TERRA places her clipboard and coffee on the table and extends her hand.)
TERRA Terra Jones.
(BRICK shakes her hand enthusiastically.)
BRICK Brick Gregg.
TERRA Nice to meet you. Please, have a seat.
(BRICK does as he’s told.)
TERRA So, Brick, I hope your commute wasn’t too bad. Today’s a whopper, right?
BRICK It wasn’t horrible. Took the train.
TERRA We love a good public transit moment here!
(BRICK laughs.)
BRICK Oh, yeah. It’s good. Good way to get around.
TERRA And obviously better for the environment.
BRICK Obviously. You’re exactly right!
TERRA We love a potential candidate who cares, who goes the extra mile, who doesn’t just talk the talk.
BRICKTERRA But walks the walk!But walks the walk!
TERRA Look at us, already simpatico.
BRICK We get each other!
(There’s an awkward beat here.)
TERRA Being a fit for our community culture is of the utmost importance here at Canary HQ.
BRICK I’m all about community. And culture. It’s part of what interested me so much when I was reading up on your company, how you all incorporate yourselves into the environment. Canary calls itself completely immersive, and that’s me, ready to jump in.
TERRA
That’s good, Brick. You’ve really done your homework. I can tell.
(Another awkward beat here.)
TERRA According to your application you’ve been looking for work for about three months.
BRICK That’s right?
TERRA No other interviews?
BRICK A few, yes. But for one reason or the other they didn’t work out. And if I’m being honest with you, and I am, I really think there’s a—well don’t think I’m nuts here—but like a bigger reason I didn’t accept a job anywhere else.
TERRA Didn’t accept a job or didn’t get offered one?
BRICK Well, can’t accept what’s not offered, right? Ha ha ha! I joke. I know you all like a sense of humor.
TERRA Oh?
BRICK According to your website. I’m sorry, I’m coming off like an idiot. I’m just really interested. Here, I brought an extra copy of my résumé if you need it.
(BRICK hands TERRA his résumé.)
TERRA You know what impresses me?
BRICK Tell me!
TERRA We like the double-sided print. No waste. We don’t waste here.
BRICK Of course not!
TERRA Canary HQ and its subsidiaries are here to do one thing.
BRICK Saving the planet is no small job.
(An awkward beat. TERRA looks over his résumé.)
TERRA The reason we’re meeting with you today is because you meet ninety-seven percent of the qualifications that we need for the position of Operations Manager.
(BRICK is definitely excited. Ninety-seven percent sounds promising!)
TERRA But you should know, when we hire someone ... it’s for life.
BRICK Ha! That’s pretty intense! I see where the sense of humor thing kicks in.
TERRA I’m not kidding. Since you obviously seemed to do your research, tell me how and when I joined the company.
(BRICK wasn’t expecting this.)
BRICK Well, um, uh. You, I know that you are the niece of the founder, Professor Gaia Jones. You were ... an intern, if I remember correctly, then served time abroad helping communities with their irrigation systems. I love irrigation. I love hydrating. I’m even thirsty right now. Sorry, that’s probably not funny.
TERRA Correct. Go on.
BRICK And that you interned and then assisted in two different divisions, Arbor Replacement and Iceberg Management, before heading into global HR.
TERRA I’m impressed. Great job.
BRICK Thank you. I really do think I could be a good fit. I want to help you carry out Gaia’s, I mean, Ms. Jones’s, mission. I believe in saving the earth.
(Now TERRA laughs.)
TERRA You are funny! I mean, you make us sound so virtuous. We are a rescue and resuscitate organization, it’s true. But we don’t say things like saving the Earth because people don’t take us seriously when we speak like that. We have to translate everything we do into sounding like we are saving the economy. No talk of saving the whales, reducing water waste, or pollution elimination. Corporations will never agree to that, and we get our funding from them.
BRICK So, you don’t want to save the Earth?
TERRA Oh, we do. We just don’t say that part out loud.
(TERRA zips her fingers across her lips. BRICK is slightly confused.)
BRICK Oh, okay. I guess.
TERRA Your résumé is strong. I like your personality. I think you’ll be a good fit here.
BRICK Great! Yeah! Hell yeah!
(BRICK pumps his hand in the air.)
TERRA Oh ho ho ho, slow your roll.
(BRICK drops his hand immediately.)
BRICK I overdid it, didn’t I?
(TERRA laughs reassuringly.)
TERRA You’re fine. Maybe just a smidge. But I do need to ask you something. Can I see your hands?
BRICK Uh, sure?
(BRICK shows his hands. TERRA examines them, flipping them back and forth.)
TERRA Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh no.
BRICK Is there a problem?
TERRA I told you your résumé was a ninety-seven percent match. That three percent makes a difference.
BRICK I’m sorry?
TERRA No, I’m sorry. I don’t think this will work out after all.
BRICK What do you mean? I’m sorry, can I ask why?
(TERRA sighs.)
TERRA No green thumb. We need you, all of our, anyone, below the line must have, bare minimum, a green thumb. Two are preferable.
BRICK I’m confused. You’re joking, right? Part of the community culture? That sense of humor thing?
(BRICK laughs too hard, trying too hard.)
TERRA No, we don’t list it on the website and we don’t put it in our listings. But all of our workers must have one to two green thumbs.
BRICK But that’s ridiculous! You don’t have one!
TERRA
I did. And I had the green removed. This may be difficult for you to understand, but I have to interact with the funders. The corporations. Don’t you see? I have to play the part. You actually have to do the part.
BRICK But surely, just because I don’t already have green thumbs doesn’t mean I don’t care about the environment.
TERRA Look, I like you, Brick. But you have to be like us or, in your words, it doesn’t count. Well, I mean it’s good if you do things on an individual level, that’s fun, but if you want to work with Canary, you have to be all in.
(BRICK almost screams his next lines.)
BRICK I am all in! I just don’t look like your employees because I’m not one yet! Please, don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I’m trying here.
TERRA You’re either all in or all out.
BRICK I want to save the Earth, I know we’re in real trouble here, and I’ve been trying to do it on my own, I don’t order online, I grow and eat local, I wash out my recyclables before I recycle them, and I want to be part of something bigger, but you all are acting like gatekeepers! Let me in! Let me help! I am ALL IN! I’m not perfect, but I can learn, and I’m right here, right now, ready to work!
(TERRA stands to exit.)
TERRA Please excuse me.
(TERRA exits and while she does, BRICK nervously paces.)
BRICK What the hell what the hell what the hell.
(TERRA reenters.)
TERRA Brick, please sit.
(He does. Then she does. She has a small bowl with her and sets it on the table.)
TERRA Give me your hand.
(BRICK extends a hand toward her. She moves his hand over the bowl. While gripping his hand, she pulls out a small knife, holding it close to his thumb.)
TERRA Don’t panic. You’re about to land this job. There’s one final test you have to pass. Do I have your consent?
BRICK What? What are you going to do to me?
TERRA You have to prove yourself. There’s only one way to do that. The way we all have. The way we all become Green Thumbs. You have to be initiated.
BRICK Don’t I have to be invited before I can be initiated?
TERRA Consider this your invitation. If you want to join us, you must be willing.
(TERRA presses the blade into his thumb and BRICK lets out a yelp of pain.)
BRICK Stop stop stop!
TERRA You don’t want me to continue?
BRICK Nooooo!
(TERRA releases BRICK’s hand and he immediately scoots away from her.)
BRICK I wanted to help but you made it impossible. Dangerous. Why is that? Why are you even interviewing candidates if you’re just going to push them away? Or is it just me?
TERRA I don’t have to answer your questions, but I will. I wanted, want, you to join Canary HQ. I think you can, could, make a difference. We are not trying to be gatekeepers, but we need tough people in this office. The people we need are the people behind the scenes who won’t roll over.
BRICK I won’t.
(TERRA smiles.)
TERRA I know. If you had let me cut you--
BRICK Would you have really cut me?
TERRA If you didn’t stop me, if you didn’t say no, I would have cut your thumb right off.
BRICK No.
TERRA Yes.
BRICK Oh.
TERRA But you didn’t let me do it. You stood up. You weren’t afraid to push back, get loud, put your life, or at least your thumb, on the line. We need more people like you, Brick. Join our team. We’ve been waiting for you.
