Characters THE NARRATOR The Narrator, gender/age flexible TEIRESIAS Blind prophet, female, very old AESCHYLUS Playwright, male (old), 50+ SOPHOCLES Playwright, male (young), 25-40
(AESCHYLUS is seated on the stage floor. NARRATOR enters.)
THE NARRATOR Welcome to the rocky wilderness, just outside of Athens, in Ancient Greece. It’s getting on near mid-morning in this hot, lonely place. This tired, old, withered, prune of a man--
AESCHYLUS Hey!
THE NARRATOR This handsome, elderly gentleman of Ancient Greece is Aeschylus the playwright. Every day he was known to come out here and sit atop this huge, flat boulder. On this day his meditations were interrupted.
SOPHOCLES Aeschylus! Aeschylus!
THE NARRATOR Aeschylus tried to ignore the calls of the younger man, but it was no use.
(Enter SOPHOCLES.)
AESCHYLUS Hello, Sophocles.
SOPHOCLES Aeschylus, you gotta help me. It’s a matter of life and death.
AESCHYLUS How can this handsome, elderly gentleman be of help to the great Sophocles?
SOPHOCLES You might know something I don’t.
AESCHYLUS I never thought I’d hear you say that. What’s it all about?
SOPHOCLES It’s about the ways of the gods and men.
AESCHYLUS Aren’t you supposed to be the expert on gods and men?
THE NARRATOR The plays of Sophocles were all the rage on the Greek stage. His play about Oedipus and his mom and their accidental incest had audiences crying out for more.
AESCHYLUS How could you write such plays without some understanding of--
SOPHOCLES I’m going to die today!
AESCHYLUS What?
SOPHOCLES It’s nothing really. I’m just going to die today, that’s all!
AESCHYLUS You lucky bastard!
SOPHOCLES I knew you wouldn’t understand.
AESCHYLUS What makes you think you’re going to die today?
SOPHOCLES Teiresias, the seer, had a prophetic dream last night. This morning, she told me I’m gonna die before nightfall.
AESCHYLUS You’re talking about Teiresias, right? The little, old, blind man?
SOPHOCLES She’s little, she’s old and she’s blind, but she’s not a man anymore. Hera turned Teiresias into a woman again.
AESCHYLUS How did that happen?
SOPHOCLES You can ask her for yourself. I brought her with me.
AESCHYLUS Well, where is she?
SOPHOCLES She’s coming. She was walking so slowly, I had to run ahead, I couldn’t wait.
AESCHYLUS (angry) You led an old, blind woman up this rocky hill, then you left her behind?
SOPHOCLES Cut me some slack. I just found out that I’m going to die today.
AESCHYLUS Go back and get her! Now!
(Exit SOPHOCLES. Enter NARRATOR.)
THE NARRATOR By this time, Sophocles and other dramatists had overshadowed Aeschylus, leaving him with nothing to do but sit on this boulder and watch the eagles floating and gliding on the warm currents of air.
AESCHYLUS You see out there in the valley how the eagles are catching the land turtles.
THE NARRATOR I believe they’re called tortoises.
AESCHYLUS Okay, tortoises. Are you happy now?
THE NARRATOR I’m just the narrator. My feelings are of no consequence.
AESCHYLUS You see how the eagle catches the tortoise and takes it high in the sky. And then the eagle drops the tortoise onto the rocks below. When the tortoise strikes the rocks below, his shell is broken. Now the hungry eagle can descend to the rocks and feast on the tortoise.
THE NARRATOR Oh yeah. I see what you’re saying.
AESCHYLUS But here’s the catch. Sometimes the shell doesn’t break. I mean, who decides that? Sometimes, the lucky tortoise survives the fall and escapes into a crevice or burrow before the eagle can catch him. Who gives a shit about the ways of the gods and men? I wanna know about the ways of the gods and tortoises.
THE NARRATOR Sophocles returned, mercilessly pushing and pulling Teiresias along the path. Aeschylus glared at Sophocles and then turned his attention to Teiresias. She was panting like a woman on her death bed.
AESCHYLUS Hello, my old friend, it’s a pleasure to see you. Don’t try to speak.
(He gives Sophocles the stink eye.)
We can wait for you to catch your breath.
THE NARRATOR Teiresias was one of the great characters of Greek mythology. She was a seer, a prophet ... ess and a clairvoyant. She could communicate with the gods and relay information to the humans. But she has no business appearing in this play.
TEIRESIAS What? I can be in any play I want.
THE NARRATOR This play is about real dramatists who lived and died in Ancient Greece. You’re a mythological character who only ever existed in Greek mythology.
TEIRESIAS Who the hell do you think you are, telling me I can’t be in this play?
THE NARRATOR I’m a professor of literature. I have studied the conventions of many types of literature, and I know when the playwright has made a huge stylistic error.
TEIRESIAS Well, I’m a prophet and a clairvoyant and if a playwright wants me in his play, I’m not going to refuse just because of some rule you pulled out of your tight--
SOPHOCLES That’s it. I’m gonna die. Take note of this date. Future generations who study my work will want to know the day I died. Henceforth, they will all say that this was the day that Sophocles died.
AESCHYLUS (shaking his head) Why do you always have to be so melodramatic?
SOPHOCLES If you knew that today was your last day, you might be a little melodramatic too.
AESCHYLUS What makes you think that people in the future will care about the date of your death?
SOPHOCLES Maybe not the exact date, but the year I was born and the year I died. Scholars love that kind of thing.
TEIRESIAS That’s true. I’ve seen far into the future. Thousands of years from now, people will still be reading his plays, and your plays too.
(AESCHYLUS smiles at the thought of people studying his plays far into the future.)
SOPHOCLES Let’s not lose our focus here. I’m the one who is dying today.
AESCHYLUS Teiresias, I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been changed to a woman again. What happened?
TEIRESIAS Hera and Zeus were arguing, as usual. They summoned me up to Mount Olympus for a consultation. Hera accused Zeus of sexually assaulting women. She was right, of course, but I wasn’t about to take her side against the king of the gods. I stood speechless trying to think of what to say when Hera lost patience with me and turned me back into a woman again. “Let that be a lesson to you, Teiresias. Now that you are a woman again, you might realize how important it is to tell the truth.”
AESCHYLUS Sophocles claims that he is going to die today. What’s that all about?
TEIRESIAS I didn’t tell him that. I merely told him about a dream I had last night. In my dream, the priestess of Delphi came to me. She said, “The greatest playwright will not live to see tomorrow night.”
AESCHYLUS (turning to Sophocles) Sorry, kid. It was nice knowing ya.
SOPHOCLES (visibly shaken) Oh man! It can’t be. It just can’t be--
AESCHYLUS Oh, shut up! You jackass! You’re not going to die today! I was just messing with you. Think of all the other dramatists who could be considered “the greatest” dramatist. Can’t you see that your fears are the result of your own conceit?
SOPHOCLES People love my plays.
AESCHYLUS Gentle lady, great prophetess of Athens. Can you please look into the future and tell Sophocles that he will not die today?
TEIRESIAS I’ll need some time to meditate and connect with the gods.
THE NARRATOR Teiresias knelt, waved her arms slowly, and began to speak.
TEIRESIAS O great god Dionysus and all the gods on Olympus, please allow this old, blind woman to have a vision of the future. Please let me know when Sophocles will die.
THE NARRATOR The two playwrights waited. Five minutes passed.
SOPHOCLES C’mon. Snap out of it! What did they say?
TEIRESIAS (in a strange voice) Please continue waiting. Your request is important to us. All the gods are currently serving other mortals. Your question will be answered in the order it was received.
(A moment later TEIRESIAS crumbles to the ground.)
AESCHYLUS (kneeling over Teiresias) Ti! Are you all right?
TEIRESIAS Yes. I am.
SOPHOCLES Did you find out?
TEIRESIAS Yes. Sophocles. You will ... not die this day.
SOPHOCLES Oh thank gods! You’re the greatest! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much for your assurance. But wait! Did you learn when I will die? If you did, I gotta know.
TEIRESIAS Yes, but I must ask you for a small payment in exchange for the information you have requested. Five drachmas, please.
(SOPHOCLES hands her five coins.)
TEIRESIAS You will die in the year four hundred and five B.C.
SOPHOCLES Four hundred and five B.C.? When is that? I have never heard of such a year. And what does it mean, four hundred and five B.C.?
TEIRESIAS When I looked into the future, I saw a bust of you, chiseled in stone. At the base of the bust it said SOPHOCLES Born 497 B.C. – Died 405 B.C.
SOPHOCLES A bust, huh? That doesn’t make any sense at all. How can I die before I was ever born?
TEIRESIAS I think B.C. stands for backwards calendar.
SOPHOCLES (becoming nervous again) If you can’t explain this future calendar, how can you assure me that I will not die today?
TEIRESIAS Because today is not 405 BC.
AESCHYLUS (to Sophocles) Now you listen to me, boy. Even the gods are not in charge of everything. They don’t always decide when somebody will die. A lot of what happens in life happens at random. Any one of us could die today, but probably not.
SOPHOCLES (to Teiresias) What about your dream?
TEIRESIAS Oh, that. Sometimes my dreams are a little ambiguous, and the oracle does not like to repeat herself.
THE NARRATOR Aeschylus spoke to Sophocles.
AESCHYLUS Take Teiresias and go home. You have disturbed my peace long enough.
(SOPHOCLES and TEIRESIAS begin to walk away slowly.)
SOPHOCLES But why did you tell me of your dream if you weren’t sure of it?
TEIRESIAS I needed five drachmas.
SOPHOCLES And what about the dates of my birth and death, did you make that up too?
TEIRESIAS Even I would not make up something so annoying as a backwards calendar.
(Exit SOPHOCLES and TEIRESIAS.)
THE NARRATOR Aeschylus took a seat on his boulder and closed his eyes in contemplation. Very high above him an eagle was circling. The eagle held a huge tortoise in his talons. The bird released the heavy tortoise. The tortoise gained great velocity as it fell, until it finally struck the balding, boulderlike head of the old man. Aeschylus fell over like a sack of olives, dead. The shell of the tortoise was cushioned by the old man’s head and did not split open. So, the tortoise scurried off the boulder in time to escape the eagle.
(Lights out.)
END OF PLAY
(In the program) No eagles or tortoises were harmed in the telling of this story. Sadly, the historical facts have been horribly distorted or completely ignored. To avoid any side effects, the audience member is advised to keep in mind that this story is largely fictional.
